Sepideh

One of the existential paradoxes is that we all want to be individual and unique, yet we crave for connection. Our need to belong links us together and binds us through family, friends, our hometowns, or even common interests. Such an innate yearning proves how essential fellow human beings are; we simply cannot exist without one another. Indeed, our very bodies and minds are evolved to collaborate in social systems.

I was in my early 20s when this photo was taken. Photos are misleading – like magic, they can be an optical illusion. They say one thing and hide another. What do you see in my eye? What I see, from my vantage point, is deep emotional pain. I was feeling lost, surrounded by many who did not add anything to my life, but instead took away a lot from. I was being taught harsh lessons. Nevertheless, I am grateful for what I have learnt, whilst recognising  the price I had to pay. It is hard to recall that my pain was too much to bear, so much so that I would have rather been dead than alive. A few unsuccessful suicide attempts left me with physical and mental scars for life. I ended up in hospital and had a total mental breakdown. The good news is that I survived it all and came out stronger. 

Whilst I have the political freedom to wear a bikini and pose for this photo, Iranian girls as young as 15 are getting arrested, abused, raped and even killed for protesting against the compulsory hijab. For more than a month, Iranian women have taken to the streets, burned their hijabs, cut their hair, and demanded an end to the curtailing of their rights.I have no words to express the gravity of my sadness and admiration for these fearless women.I still remember the night, when I was taken into custody by the morality police in Iran because my uniform wasn't covering my whole arms and because I was with a male friend who wasn't married to me. I remember asking the guard to let me go to the toilet and I was not allowed to; she kept saying to me stop being a drama queen.I remember finding a small pin and cutting my arms to soothe the mental agony I was going through. Luckily, the day after, I was released on bail. But I will never forget the humiliation and helplessness I felt that night.